Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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