you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
