he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
