Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
