I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
