i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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