I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
