There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
