It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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