the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
