My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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