Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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