just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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