i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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