NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
