I will die if light touches me.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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