I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
