Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
