I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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