a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
