Screwed.edu
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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