great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
