I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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