I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
