Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
