So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
