Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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