i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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