my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
