yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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