my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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