Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
only if we run a train.
done.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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