I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
