haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
