my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
