YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
