he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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