carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
