Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
then he tried to convert me to islam
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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