She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
