Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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