He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize