so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize