how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
