I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
zippers are such a cool invention
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
