you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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