Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
