Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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