i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
