I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
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I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
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