I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
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First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?