he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.