fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
