whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?