Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!