So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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