u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my sisters under your porch take her home
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.