I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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