I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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