12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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