just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
