it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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