After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
