he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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