well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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