We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
