i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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