I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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