The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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