well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
