Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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