I am puke
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
