I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
NoShamevember. You game?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
