I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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