I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
