So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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