I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
